Incomplete person?

[Jen]

My husband has practiced Tao Yoga for many years.  He has maintained his excellent health by practicing Tao Yoga for most of is adult life. He has been helping me understand how it can be used to improve and maintain my health but I still have so much to learn. We had been trying to conceive a second child for several months prior to my having problems with my gall bladder. My husband tried to help me, to prevent the need for surgery, but the problem was too extensive. My primary physican and surgeon are both Chinese Medicine providers and they did everything they could to help me prevent surgery. I had reached the point that I was toxic and could not even hold down water for several day before I had surgery to removed the gall bladder. Now that I don't have a gall bladder, my husdand says that I am now and incomplete person and he does not want to have another child with me. We have one daughter who is very health and he is teaching her Tao Yoga. We both want one more child and I will be 40 soon and it only gets harder and harder to conceive as I get older. So, here are my questions: Do you think that I am an incomplete person since having my gall bladder removed? Do you think that not having my gall bladder will cause problems for me ,or the baby, if I were to become pregnant? Is there something that I can do to help compensate for the fact that I no longer have a gall bladder?  

Thank you for your time!

[Lou]

This is a tough question, and I just share with you what I think.

There are things that you cannot change, but there are things that you can change. What you cannot change is your major physical structure. Your gall bladder has been removed, and it is gone! Certainly, it'll have some negative effects on you. However, what you can change is improving and strengthening your Chi. Taoism theory thinks that the origin of life, the prosperity of life, and the death of life are all the driven by different levels of Chi. Certain places in our body are critical in exchanging Chi between our body and the universe, such as lower Dan Tian. When you keep practicing, your Chi can adapt to your current body structure, which can reduce or diminish the negative effects of losing the gall bladder. For health, there are not many problems with it. But I have no idea how it'll affect your ability of conception, and I don't know if any doctor can answer you with certainty.

If I were you, I would adjust my life focuses. While keeping practicing what can improve my health, I did not place having another child as my top priority. It is said in Buddhism that being unable to get what you love is terribly bitter. Many of our mental and body desires can change by practicing Taoism Yoga. Being health would be the number one. I would do number two, three, ..., when the number one is not an issue.

[Jen]

Thank you so much for your reply. Lou. I will ask my husband to help me understand ways to improve and strengthen my Chi. I really appreciate the time you took to answer. Thank you again.

[Morakot Piyakesin]

Dear Jen,  Your problem is not about being incomplete but having a cruel husband.  The only reason why he told you that you are now incomplete simply because you don't follow what he believes in.  He may have good health but certainly not a good mind and is in fact very non Taoist person.  The Tao is about flexibility and having the ability to glide through all kinds of situations.  You made the right decision to have the gallbladder removed when it is far too sick.  Now we deal with what we have and try to increase its energy even though it is gone through different means, not neccesary Tao Yoga.  Master Chia himself is a true Tao master.  He is so flexible and open minded.  He goes to hospital for a check up if there is something wrong and is so resourceful of finding so many ways of healing it even it that is modern medicine.  That is way he is so healthy physically and mentally.  He would never tell a sick person to reject necessary treatments even when it is conventional medicine neither would he force anyone to follow what he does and believes in.  If I were you, I would practice the heart sound a lot to have the courage to leave this husband.  You are not incomplete.  You just need to believe in yourself and what you did was the best you could have done.   You may have just saved your own life!

[Tim]

As Lou pointed out, work on your own health before bringing another child into the world. It is a big responsibility and the birth is only the beginning as there as many years of raising a child and you want to be healthy to do that. You have one child who is healthy and that is wonderful, you can strengthen and heal your own body simply by smiling to the heart and feel gratitude, appreciation and thankful for what you have received in life, something I like to focus on when my mind comes clouded with desires.

As for being incomplete I agree with morakot, it is an unkind statement to make, especially from a life partner. Illness can be a great blessing as it teaches us to value our body and it is often a signal for lifestyle change

[Jen]

Thank you everyone. Your replies have made me think about things I have not thought about and look at the situation from a different perspective. I appreciate your insights. I need to focus on myself. I have been too focused on having another child before I am too old. I feel  like the clock is ticking as I will be 40 this summer.

Morakot, I am suprised to hear that Master Chia himself would seek treatment in the form of modern medicine when necessary. Your response made me feel so much better about what I had to do and that I did make the right decision. I have been reading these replies over and over and it is making me both smile and cry at times.

My husband is quick to pass insults when he is upset about something but he is a good person and a good father to our daughter. I think he needs to learn to make his argument without saying something over-the-top mean to make his point. He was trying to stop me from having the surgery at the last minute but I think that his method was cruel and and caused me additional, unnecessary stress just before be surgery.

Since the surgery, my husband points out times when I am grumpy and says that I am mean and angry now because I don't have my gall bladder and the gall bladder is connected to the liver. I don't think that I am a mean person and I don't think I am becoming a mean person. I don't want to become a mean person because I don't have a gall bladder. He says that kindness is in the liver and I am now missing my gall bladder so I will not be kind anymore. My family, friends and co-workers know me as a kind, caring person and I don't want that to change.

I plan to focus on healing sounds of the heart and liver and focus on myself. I agree with you, Tim, I need to focus on myself before bringing another child into the world. Thanks you again to everyone for taking the time to reply.

[Lou]

I'm so glad that you can think this way. I'm also so glad that you will keep practicing Taoist meditation.

From your description, I don't think your husband is a good teacher for you. He doesn't understand that our emotion and Chi can change and transform. If you learn after him, he will discourage and frustrate you, unless he changes his attitude or improves his Taoist knowledge. The best way probably is to find an instructor whom you trust, or to learn Healing love by video.

Life, a living creature or human, heals for itself very efficiently, like a growing baby; my favorite tips are sleeping early, keeping practice, and eating properly.

[Jen]

You are prbably right, Lou. Thanks for your reply.

[Morakot Piyakesin]

Dear Jen,  When I first came to Tao Garden, I was really ill and Master Chia took care of me, giving the most practical advices even the ones I did not want to hear.  He definitely believes in getting a check up from the hospital when there is something wrong or even surgery to remove an organ when necessary.  A few years ago, he injured his knees from climbing somewhere and he was advised for a surgery.  He was probably considering it too but he managed to get massages and and many other alternative means to finally restored his knees back to health without the operation.  The reason why I respect him so much is that he is so down to earth.  He would never be like a big guru who rejects help from others or advice from doctors.  He is extremely flexible and humble, unlike many of his students!  However, he is so resourceful in looking for means of healing, not necessary what he teaches.  Any way, it seems like everyone here is giving you very good advices.  To some degree, low energy in the organs contributes to our emotional state.  There is also the real issue of external influence which you should allow yourself to feel the emotions like anger.  In your case, if you are not angry, you are probably suppressing it so badly.  Suppressed emotions are the worst.  Your kindness will not disappear because your liver energy is low.  You are not incomplete and you are still the same person.  It is not so good when instead of using our understanding and practice of the organs to help improve our emotions but using it as a way to judge and put pressure on ourselves even more.  This is when a religion or a practice turns against us.

[Jen]

Thank you for taking the time to explain things to me, Morakot. Your responses make me feel better about what is going on in my life right now. I am starting to feel at peace with all of it and move on to giving my life more balance and improve my health the best ways I can. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.